


At Least Cry

by MichaelMell (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Sorry Not Sorry, Unrequited Love, Wakes & Funerals, there are no happy endings, unrequited johndave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-06 02:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13401219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MichaelMell
Summary: John just lost everything. The least he could do is cry and pretend he cared at all.





	At Least Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Hi im not done with D/G chapter 10 yet so I'm posting this instead i'm sorry

He ruffles up one of the bouquets, straightening the flowers and filling in a gap in the design. These were his favourite. He leans in to take a long inhale of the sweet smell, giving the bright plants a melancholy smile. No, he can’t start crying already. Nothing has even started yet. Something touches him gently, fingers brushing against the stiff shoulder of his suit and making him jump.

“Rose, hey.” his voice is more horse than he thought it would be, giving away how much he’d been crying before he got here.

“Hey yourself. How’re you holding up?” he sighs. What can he say? He hasn’t left his bedroom since he got the news, everything in the house reminds him of the other and he just can’t handle that right now. He hasn’t eaten, barely slept, only cried a lot. He feels like trash.

“I’m okay.” Rose laughs bitterly, pulling him in for a hug.

“You’re bullshitting me, but I’ll give you a pass this time.” she leaves an arm around him, looking over the arrangements of flowers beside the corkboard of photos.

“You two were so cute. He loved you. That isn’t what you want to hear right now, but it’s true.” he doesn’t say anything. More people are starting to file in and chat among themselves, mostly in the back of the room and out in the rest of the building. He recognises almost all the faces of course, anyone who makes eye contact giving him sympathetic looks. He looks back to the board of photos, reaching up to touch one of the pictures.

“Have you gone up yet?” of course he hasn’t. Rose takes his hand and tugs gently, giving him a ginger smile. Okay. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s fine. He takes the few steps with her tp the open casket, taking a deep breath before looking down. His throat goes dry, stomach dropping and it’s suddenly hard to swallow. He can feel his face going pale, eyes welling up but just barely not spilling over. Oh, god. He didn’t realise he was shaking until he reaches out towards the still body, stopping just shy of touching the other boy’s face. He’s still, pale skin pristine and spotted lightly with freckles; eerie without the flush of life on his cheeks. They’ve combed back his blonde locks and planted his sunglasses on his head, leaving his fair eyelashes oddly exposed on his closed lids; as if he’s sleeping and could wake up at any time, red eyes looking up at him like they always would.

“Dave..” he croaks, barely producing a whisper. God. His lips are just slightly blue, chest not rising or falling under his suit. Why did they put him in a suit? He didn’t even wear one of those for date nights. He takes a step back, breaking his fixation on the lifeless form of his lifetime friend. Of his everything. It’s too real. At home it was real but now.. Now he’s right here and he can’t lie to himself about it anymore. He can’t do this. He can’t. He can’t breathe. The room is swimming around him, swaying and blurring out of focus. He stumbles over to the pictures again. Dave and his brother kneeling beside a golden retriever. Dave sitting at the pool. Dave and Karkat holding hands. Dave and Karkat kissing under the mistletoe. Dave and…

“John?” he turns sharply, meeting eyes with his sister. She makes a sympathetic noise, pulling him in for a hug.

“I know you’re not doing good, but it’ll be okay. I promise.” she hugs him to her side, standing beside him to look at the pictures with him.

“Aww, you two are so little in this one.” she points out a picture of himself and Dave in matching halloween costumes, index finger straight and unwavering; nail coated in pretty green acrylic. There’s dozens of photos of them together, the smile on Dave’s face brighter than any with his.. Boyfriend. John swears there was something going down there. But Dave always told him that he was happy…

“Is he even here yet?” Jade knows exactly who he’s talking about.

“I think I saw him on my way in, out in the hall with his brother.” why isn’t he in here? John was the first one through the door.

“Hey, don’t worry about him. Can I tear you away from here to go downstairs? They have cookies.” John is this close to saying no, but Jade is worried about him and he hates making her stress over him like that. He ate so many cookies and washed them down with lukewarm soda, and that almost made him feel a little better. Not really, but he tried. It felt like an eternity had passed when it was time to start, but also no time at all. Time is broken. John takes a seat on the couch in the front beside Dirk, looking around the Strider at the empty spot next to him. The blonde shrugs before John can even ask. Karkat  comes in halfway through the sermon, looking a little alienated watching John and Dirk cry on each other. He isn't a religious guy in the slightest, but John bawls his way through the entire service without any shame. He feels so drained, like something came along and sucked out all his insides. It doesn't even hurt anymore. There's just not enough left in him to feel, even while he's still crying. He doesn’t want to go up to the front again. John sits and watches the entire room cycle through, most moving quickly to avoid the casket; he doesn’t blame them. But… The room clears out slowly until only the three boys in the front are left, Dirk standing at the front by himself for a few minutes; not making a sound. Poor guy. John should call him more after this, make sure he’s okay. The blonde trails out of the room to catch up with the crowd, but it’s not like they can go anywhere without two of the pallbearers. John takes a deep breath. The tears on his face are dry and his skin will definitely be red later, but he wipes them off with his hand anyway, barely feeling the sting on his raw flesh. He stands up, brushing off his suit and throwing away the little pile of tissues on the couch so a staff person doesn’t have to do it later. The raven tales a few steps towards the casket and stops, knowing he still isn’t alone in the room.

“Well?” his voice cracks. Karkat looks up, face dry and dark as his skin always is; untouched by the events playing out around him.

“What the fuck?” wait does this count as hallowed ground? Shit. Wait- He takes another deep breath to calm his nerves.

“Listen Egbert I don’t know what you want from me-” his voice is even, like it’s any other normal day. They always fought a lot. Before and especially after he and Dave got together. He always wondered of Karkat knew.

“Aren’t you going to cry?” the other boy blinks, like the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. Jesus. Dave was nineteen, in good health, and had so much to live for. Dave was an amazing person and damn it he was going places. Dave was Karkat’s boyfriend.

“At least cry. Didn’t you care about him at all? We found so many pretty pictures of you two and at least he was trying to smile.” Karkat stands up, and John is prepared for a verbal assault, or maybe even a punch to fly but he just. Stops. He says nothing and walks past out of the room without even passing close to Dave. Dave.. John is alone in the room now.

“God, Dave..” he touches his friend’s face, the skin cold under his fingers, “I love you.”


End file.
